Fighting

I have been fighting

struggling 

and mustering up everything I have to hold myself together.

Last week, I pulled into the parking lot at work at  in the morning and it took everything I had to hold the tears back. I feel like I am in a boxing ring against my emotions. I often wake up with a storm of worries going through my head.

I feel like I am being knocked down again and again. I have been praying a lot. Asking God to calm my stirring heart and trying to shove these worries out of my head. These past few years it seems like my parents have become so very fragile. My mom is in pain and may need surgery, my dad is a diabetic, was told not too long ago that if he had not gone to the doctor when he did, he would have died within two days....and he still continues to neglect his health. My parents are raising their two grand kids who have such a lack of respect for my parents, it angers me so much.

I want to be a stay at home mom so bad, I want a job I love, I want another baby, a sibling and playmate for my little boy, but it all seems so complicated. I want to be responsible and at this point, I feel like I am stuck in a bad nightmare, like I am running out of time, like I am miserable and want to roll up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I'm sure the dark cold winter weather is not helping much either.

I am going to continue to fight this fight. To do everything I can to try and get the happy emotions flowing. I am going to pray, lots and lots. I am going to take one day at a time and have HOPE. How do you deal with your emotions when you feel hopeless? I need all the advice you can give!